More venting.

Honestly right now, I am done. I'm done with people, I'm done with school, I'm just done with life. I mean I have thought about suicide and if people would care if I was gone, but I just think that life might get better. I mean I am always there for my friends and I always let them vent to me... but then when I vent to them, I feel as if they could care less. I mean I love life because of Supernatural. I know, weird thing to say. But the show really has changed my life. as much as I feel like I'm important, I know that I'm not. Not really. I mean what have I done to change society? Nothing. So what would it matter if I just, you know, died? Well, not saying I'm going to commit suicide, but I just get these thoughts. Like who else just feels unimportant? I know that I'm not the only one. But NO, I do NOT cut. I feel as if that is stupid and pointless. Like why the fuck would you cut yourself? What does it do for you? I know, I sound like a depressed teenager begging for attention. and maybe, deep down I am. But right now, no. I'm not begging for attention. I just need somewhere to vent and if someone out there is reading this and feels the same, no, you are not alone.

Venting

Honestly, I believe I have a pretty good life. I've said this before, but I'm going to say it again. I love my animals and I love how I always have them by my side. When I'm upset, they're there for me. If I'm happy, they sense it and are happy as well.... but When I'm lonely and I feel like nobody understands, I tend to push them away. I lost April a while ago. For my birthday, my friend gave me a cute little orange kitten that I named Balthazar, after the angel in Supernatural. He has been a great addition to the family. and lately, Supernatural has been a great escape. I have been feeling low lately. I have been feeling needy and helpless. I  really love my family and my friends and my dogs but I honestly feel like crap. I feel like nobody will ever understand me. I know that I'm most likely talking to myself, but it does help me feel better to get this out in the open. I have lost many friends that I hoped I never would. I feel as though I am not anyone special and that if I went missing or died... well I honestly feel as though nobody would really miss me. I know, I know, I'm complaining a lot more than I should. I have no reason to be complaining. Still, I find myself doing that a lot. It's not good and it's annoying. Thanks for reading this (If anyone does)

Lost Friends

I wrote this because I have recently lost a good friend... or who I thought was a good friend, but ended up not.... 

Friends come and they go

Some leaving with a devastating blow.

Wishing things were not astray.

Wanting everything to go a different way.

As I watch you be unkind,

It was me that you had left behind.

I watched all of the plans we have made

Slowly go and away they fade.

I will always remember the things we shared,

Please don’t think that I don’t care.

I will let you go with a heavy sigh

But I will never say goodbye.

You were mine, but I was never yours.

It was my heart that you had tore.

So I am sorry things went bad.

And very upset for making you sad.

Don’t ever forget me, I won’t forget you.

And I hope you love me, cuz I love you too.